I am spending this earlier part of December trying to finish up and complete a few projects.
I have quite a few projects that are not anywhere near being completed. They are the slow-going-can’t-rush-projects. I have accumulated a few little projects along the way with the big ones. So, my intention is to finish up what I can – clean up all the little ‘messes’. They have piled up around my art room; have been stuffed in cabinets and drawers; some are just sitting in plain sight hoping that I will work on them next! 🙂 I have told myself to get all these smaller things done/finished and completed so that they can be cleared out and thus, open space (in more ways than one).
Doing this will really un-load some of the ‘burden’ or lighten the load I have seem to have put on myself.
I am great at starting projects! I love the starting – the getting going… but somewhere around the ¾ mark – I fizzle out, I get bored of it and am looking for something new to do/start. I am a procrastinator that gets fired-up. I don’t even know if that’s a ‘thing’ – but it’s kind of my pattern. It’s stop and go, for sure. Before I know it – I can get overwhelmed with everything that is started and that needs finishing. I find myself not really knowing which one-thing I should work on next, or… more often than not, the inspiration and creative free-flow of where/what to gravitate towards. This can put me right back at procrastination. I walk away from all of it. Until inspiration/’the fire’ hits me again; then I will go dabble on one of my projects. It’s a viscous cycle and I know I am not the only one who suffers from this … this happens to a lot of people.
Self-inflicted overwhelm causes procrastination. (Title of an article? Could be.) But when the inspiration hits – we are/I am on fire! The creative-juices are just flowing out… then will come the eventual fizzle out. Boredom. Then a need for a new project! It’s not A.D.D., although it has the same tendencies; it’s a block, programming, maybe some worthiness issues, and I think there’s a little bit of self-doubt in the mix too.
This is the pattern of my life. I have decided that maybe with this new moon of December (for my ‘zone’ – on the 6th) – this last new moon of this year – I should close some things up in preparation for the new. It’s a great time for completion! Just getting the little things done feels great! Its baby steps and taking little chunks-out of the bigger piece. It’s not a huge grandiose movement or moment – but it counts. All the baby steps count! 🙂
As each smaller thing is completed, the momentum gets going. It feels good and it also feels inspiring. All this finishing up and making space coincides with the upcoming full moon of this month. It’s a really nice energy going on right now. There’s a working with and a balancing of the masculine and feminine energies. It’s very yin and yang. 🙂 It’s not just about the creative projects. There are other areas in my life that this is true for. It’s an all-around momentum-going kind of energy that is affecting other things too. The feel-good vibe!
My December is feeling busy in a good way. It’s also another month of out with the old so I can bring in the new (I have had a lot of these months! I’m pretty sure this entire year has had this cycle going on). This month really brings on the push though. There’s that feeling of wanting to start the New Year a little lighter. Getting things completed. I look at some of the things around me and call them out: ‘old energy’… good-bye.
I love that I am starting to recognize them when I see them; where before I just let it all pile up around me. I didn’t know I was hindering myself, blocking myself, and suffocating my creativity. Even when I DID know that, but held on anyway, I was just adding to my misery (self-infliction). I held onto things/projects thinking that I will get back to it. After a few years… I don’t know if I will ever get back to it. I am still learning to give myself permission to let it go and there is always a perfect time to do that. And I remain open to know when that time is. (Usually ‘Divine-timing’… am-I-right?!)
I am still in learning mode. The recognizing mode. It takes practice. When you are someone, like me, who grew up surrounded by (parental) ‘hording’ and ‘holding onto’ – to fill voids, to keep you avoiding your-self (your true-soul-self), to mask whatever needs to be masked… and blah blah blah; this re-learning/re-programming doesn’t happen overnight. I have only recently, these last few years, really started going deep within my own ego, my childhood, to start resolving issues, programming, negativity, worthiness, and trust. I have been working on letting go and clearing… constantly!
This is just another area, another layer to the onion that needs to be peeled. The creativity (and creation) aspect of myself seems to be one of my toughest self-exploration areas. It’s where I was the most emotionally scarred and/or have the deepest worthiness wounds. So much childhood emotional trauma here. So, I cut myself some slack.
If I can get one (of the many) project(s) done and outta-here, I am super-happy! To finally come to the realization that I don’t need my rock tumbler anymore… that’s a big step for me. I have held onto that thing for way too long. *I might need it though; one day. No, I really don’t see it.* And if I really, really get back into rock tumbling – I can get a new one! Yes, people, the struggle is real! 🙂
So, along with some completion – and the removal of an old rock tumbler, I look forward to all the exciting new-ness that’s coming next year! I feel it in my heart, the joy is there: the new projects that will be coming my way, new activities, things (truly needed), adventures, knowledge/learning and the New Year – in general. The momentum is going to keep rolling through.
It brings a smile to my face!
Enjoy this last Master 11 (year) New Moon!
Love to all!